Thanksgiving with the Quartermaines
by Ms. Quartermaine
Summary: It’s that time of the year! What disaster leads the Quartermaines to have their usual pizza for Thanksgiving dinner? With the Q's, Luke, Alice, and others all in attendance, who knows what will happen?
1. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving

**Title**: Thanksgiving with the Quartermaines

**Author**: Ms. Quartermaine

**Summary**: It's that time of the year! What disaster leads the Quartermaines to have their usual pizza for Thanksgiving dinner? With the Q's, Luke, Alice, and others all in attendance, who knows what will happen?

Please Note:

1. Emily is not spending Thanksgiving with her family. (This fanfiction was written before it was acknowledged that she was.)

2. Diego is not the PCU stalker.

3. Sonny and Carly are together again.

Chapter 1: Tomorrow is Thanksgiving

(At GH…Monica approaches Emily. Emily is filing papers.)

Monica: Em?

Emily: (turns around) Oh hi!

Monica: I hope I'm not interrupting.

Emily: No. No. Um…What's going on?

Monica: (swallows) Tomorrow is Thanksgiving.

Emily: (realizing) And you want me to join the family.

Monica: (nods) Someone has to keep the peace.

Emily: (smiles) Oh Mom. (smiles) I would love to—

Monica: But?

Emily: I have other plans. Michael invited me to his house.

Monica: (disappointed) You are having Thanksgiving with Sonny?

Emily: And Carly.

Monica: (sarcastically) Oh! Even better!

Emily: I am doing this for Michael.

Monica: All right. I understand.

Emily: Do you?

Monica: (nods) But if you have the time, you know you are always welcomed.

Emily: (smiles)

(At GH…Justus approaches Lainey.)

Justus: (suggestively) I have something to discuss with you Dr. Winters.

Lainey: (laughs) Oh really?

Justus: (nods) What are your plans for tomorrow?

Lainey: I have none.

Justus: You do now.

Lainey: You asking me out on a date, Justus? (laughs)

Justus: You bet.

Lainey: I'd love to come.

Justus: Oh you haven't heard the rest.

Lainey: Uh oh. (laughs)

Justus: It's dinner.

Lainey: Sounds nice.

Justus: With the Quartermaines.

Lainey: (laughs) It'll be…(pause) fun.

Justus: Are you sure?

Lainey: Of course.

Justus: It's best to try and not understand them.

Lainey: I'll keep that in mind. (laughs)

Justus: (kisses her cheek) See you later.

(In the Q living room…Alice calls out for Luke.)

Alice: Oh Mr. Luke!

Luke: (having a drink) What can I do for you, Sunshine?

Alice: (laughs, twirls hair) Oh…Well you see…Tomorrow…Well…

Luke: Don't be shy, my sweet melon.

Alice: (giggles) Tomorrow is Thanksgiving.

Luke: Indeed it is. I have orders from the wife NOT to attend.

Alice: Oh, who cares about Ms. Tracy? There is going to be food. A LOT of it.

Luke: Oh I know.

Alice: And if that is not enough for you to show up, then I don't know WHAT is.

Luke: (laughs) Well, darling. Don't you worry because I'll be here. I have every intention of showing up.

Alice: That's great!

Luke: And there is nothing my wife or anyone of these backstabbing Q'Maines can do about it.

Alice: I'll be sure to save you a seat!

Luke: (smiles) I'll hold you to that, Sunshine.

Alice: (giggles) Oh, sir, you will NOT be disappointed.

(Skye meets Lorenzo at his house…)

Skye: You wanted to see me?

Lorenzo: Yes. Please have a set.

Skye: (smiles) All right. (takes a seat) So what can I do for you?

Lorenzo: (sighs) I called you over to apologize.

Skye: (laughs) You don't have to apologize for being in love with another woman.

Lorenzo: Yes I do. (pause) I loved Carly, but I pursued you in the process. I allowed you to believe that there could be something between us.

Skye: Ah well…I didn't believe that for a minute.

Lorenzo: (smiles) I am still very sorry. (pause) But now that Carly and I are no longer together, I just wanted to make everything clear.

Skye: (confused) Wait a minute. (awkwardly) Are you offering…Oh…Never mind. You know what? I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said…I…

Lorenzo: (interrupts) I'd still like to have you as my lady friend.

Skye: (laughs) I can deal with that.

Lorenzo: Well Diego and I plan on having Thanksgiving dinner at MetroCourt tomorrow. Would you like to join us?

Skye: No. No. No. I could not possibly intrude. (pause) Oh my God! You are asking me out!

Lorenzo: As a friend only. (laughs) You think I would let my son tag along on a date?

Skye: Oh you're right. I…(laughs) I'm sorry.

Lorenzo: Don't be. And I want you to know that I have no intentions of using such a charming, beautiful woman like yourself.

Skye: Well I hope not, but in any case, I promised Alan I would have dinner with the Quartermaines. (pause) Would the two of you like to come?

Lorenzo: We would be honored.

Skye: Good. I'll see you tomorrow then. (smiles)

(At L&B Records…Ned, Lois, and Brook Lynn are discussing the holiday.)

Brook: Absolutely not! No way! No, Dad, come on! Do something!

Ned: If it is any consolation, I will also be there.

Brook: When I said I wanted "turkey sausage" on my pizza, I was just kidding.

Lois: Brook, it is going to be a wonderful gathering.

Brook: (sarcastic) Ma, what's the matter with you? You honestly want to have dinner with those people?

Lois: Your grandmother cannot have Thanksgiving this year. Remember? And "those people" are your family, young lady.

Brook: (sarcastic) Thanks for the reminder.

Lois: And it was very nice of Monica to welcome us on such short notice.

Brook: I do not want to have dinner with them. It is going to one giant…Oh I don't even know!

Ned: Dillon will be there. Tracy is talking to him as we speak. And he is going to bring Georgie. Plus, Lulu is coming.

Brook: (pause) Well, I guess it won't be THAT bad then.

Lois: Of course not, Brookie.

Ned: You can just pretend that we are not even there.

Brook: (laughs) You're joking, right? 'Cause that's like impossible, you know?

Ned: She has a point, Lois.

Lois: (slaps Ned's arm lightly) NOT helping! (smiles to Brook) This is going to be good for the entire family. I know it.

(At the Haunted Star…Tracy is talking to Dillon in his room.)

Tracy: Darling, just because the university sends you home during break does NOT mean you have to return here.

Dillon: I like it here.

Tracy: (makes face) Why? It's filthy.

Dillon: It's fine, Mom.

Tracy: (sighs) If you insist. (pause) Why won't you come home with me again? (pause) Never mind. Look. Baby. I need a favor.

Dillon: Oh no. No. No. No. How much is this going to cost?

Tracy: Nothing.

Dillon: WHAT do you want from me?

Tracy: (smiles) I would like for you to attend Thanksgiving dinner with the rest of us tomorrow. At the house.

Dillon: Oh no. No. I have plans.

Tracy: Hmm, plans? Really?

Dillon: Yep. Lots and lots of plans.

Tracy: They wouldn't have anything to do with all of those ridiculous films you just rented, would they? (gestures to films on Dillon's bed)

Dillon: Of course not!

Tracy: (smirks) You're lying, my dear. (pause) I am not going to argue with you. You are my son. I am your mother. And YOU are going to show up at the mansion tomorrow for Thanksgiving dinner just like the rest of the family.

Dillon: (silent)

Tracy: And wear something nice.

Dillon: Whatever, Mom. All right. Whatever.

Tracy: Would you prefer that I blackmail you into coming?

Dillon: What do you have on me?

Tracy: Just be there tomorrow. All right? Make your mother proud. (leaves)

Dillon: (sighs)


	2. A Surprise Guest

Chapter 2: A Surprise Guest

(It's Thanksgiving Day. Tracy enters the Q living room…She notices the patio door is open.)

Tracy: (rubs her arms due to the cold air) Oooh…Who the hell left this open?

Man: Me.

Tracy: (turns around) Woo!

Coleman: Did you miss me, Mama?

Tracy: (furious) WHY are you here, and HOW did you get in?

Coleman: I'm here for some lovin' with my foxy mama.

Tracy: Oh please. Did Skye put you up to this?

Coleman: I haven't talked to Skye in months.

Tracy: You need to get out.

Coleman: You are going to kick me out?

Tracy: Watch me.

Coleman: On Thanksgiving?

Tracy: Mmm. Hmm. Buh-bye now. (waves)

(The Q's start entering the room.)

Ned: So…Should I order the pizzas now or…Coleman?

Skye: Coleman?

Edward: What is THAT doing here?

Coleman: Your daughter and I have reconciled.

Monica, Alan, and Ned: What?

Edward: (places hand on head) This is NOT worth explaining.

Monica: Oh, I'd love to hear an explanation.

(Alice and Luke enter hand-in-hand.)

Luke: Well! Would you look at this? Now I know why my Spanky Buns did not want me here! You're too busy with him! I KNEW you missed him!

Alan: Could someone please tell me what is going on here?

Skye: Aunt Tracy and Coleman had…Oh what do you call it?

Tracy: It was a set-up!

Coleman: Yep! But it turned out to be so much more, didn't it, Babe? (puts arm around her)

Luke: All right. All right. Get your hands off my wife, you, or I'll…

Coleman: Or you'll what? You can't satisfy her needs like I can.

Alan: Oh please. We haven't eaten yet.

Ned: Which reminds me…I need to order the pizza.

Edward: We are NOT eating pizza this year. Everything is going to go according to plan.

Tracy: It better, Daddy. I refuse to eat such—

Monica: Oh! Save it for later, will you? I still want to know what happened between you and Coleman.

Tracy: Monica, trust me. It's not worth it.

Monica: Why should I trust you?

(Lorenzo enters.)

Skye: Lorenzo! You made it! (throws herself into his arms)

Luke: Not this again.

Tracy: I cannot BELIEVE you would invite him!

Edward: Why not, Tracy? Lorenzo, please share the amount of progress ELQ had made since—

Tracy: Since I was so wrongfully placed as CEO?

Skye: ELQ is thriving now that you've been removed.

Monica: Why is that NOT surprising?

Tracy: (sighs) This coming from the woman who voted for me in the first place.

Monica: That was a mistake I'll never make again.

Ned: All right. All right. Do we have to argue? How about we save this business for another day?

Alan: Sounds good to me.

(Diego is standing there.)

Tracy: Anyone going to explain what this THUG is doing here?

Diego: (oddly politely) Diego Alcazar. Lorenzo Alcazar's son. (reaches out to shake her hand)

Tracy: (pulls her hand back) You have your son do you dirty work? (sarcastically) Charming.

Ned: So about those pizzas…

Tracy: I already told you! I refuse to eat that garbage.

(Brook Lynn and Lois enter.)

Brook: Pizza sounds good to me.

Lois: From what I gather, it is only if the turkey does not make it out of the oven. Am I right?

Ned: (nods) The turkey isn't going to make it out. And if it does…

Monica: It doesn't matter.

Alan: She's right. We are destined for pizza every Thanksgiving.

Diego: Sounds cool.

Tracy: Sounds disgusting.

Brook: I don't think anyone was asking you, Granny. (pause) Hey! Isn't Dillon supposed to be here?

(Dillon and Georgie enter.)

Dillon: Surprise!

Tracy: Darling! You came! (hugs him) And you look wonderful. (noticing Georgie) Ugh. What is that BRAT doing here?

Ned: Now is NOT the time, Mother.

Coleman: Come on, Babe. Just cool it, all right?

Dillon and Georgie: Eww.

Alice: Don't even ask.

Dillon: (disgusted) I won't.

Luke: You need to stop hanging around my wife, you, you…you wife-stealer you!

Coleman: Hey! Your wife wants to be with me!

Monica: Oh! This is ridiculous.

Skye: Maybe we should ask Tracy.

Coleman: I can satisfy her, remember?

All: Eww…

Luke: What my wife and I have is BETTER than sex. We…

Alan: All right. No details. No details.

(Justus and Lainey enter.)

Monica: Finally! Someone sane has arrived. Glad you could join us Dr. Winters. And Justus of course.

Lainey: Lainey, please. It's my pleasure. (pause) I think. (laughs)

Monica: I don't know what Justus has told you exactly, but we aren't all that bad.

Tracy: Justus is lying.

Ned: So has everyone arrived?

Georgie: Is Lulu coming?

Tracy: Oh goodness! I hope not!

Luke: There's enough crazy kids here, don't you think?

Georgie: But Lulu is your daughter.

Skye: Oh like Luke really cares!

Luke: I'm done being a father.

Lainey: Lulu. Lucky Spencer's sister, right?

Skye: Right. You know her?

Lainey: We met a few weeks ago. She has a lot of built in feelings.

Luke: Oh not this baloney.

Coleman: So! When we are we going to eat?

Tracy: YOU are not going to eat here at all. Now get out!

Skye: Now Aunt Tracy, that is not very nice, is it?

Tracy: Do YOU want him here?

Skye: I have a date. His name is Lorenzo.

(Lorenzo looks at her strangely but goes along.)

Skye: Do you?

Tracy: I don't need a date. Ohhhh…Sweet pea.

Coleman: Yes, Mama?

Tracy: Not YOU! Luke. (to Skye) I don't need a date because I have a husband.

Luke: (looks at Alice) Sorry Sunshine. My wife needs me. (walks to Tracy; places arm around her) Shall we?

Tracy: (confused) Shall we what?

Luke: (pause) I don't know. Head to another room? Away from these lunatics?

Alan: Hey! Who are you calling lunatics!

Edward: How dare you insult this family!

(Luke and Tracy leave.)

Coleman: Well, I've never insulted this family.

Edward: Oh just get out!

Justus: I'm sure we have enough food for him.

Monica: Just because my sister-in-law had the misfortune of sharing her bed with him does not mean he can stay!

Dillon: There are children here!

(Everyone is yelling.)

(In the Q foyer…Luke and Tracy are talking.)

Tracy: Agh!

Luke: Have a problem?

Tracy: Who does that man think he is? Walking unannounced into MY house!

Luke: Isn't it Monica's house? (chuckles)

Tracy: Ha! Funny!

Luke: Did you invite Coleman to dinner?

Tracy: Oh my goodness gracious! I just told you that he walked in unannounced! I didn't invite him!

Luke: You are lying, my pretty pink peppermint popsicle.

Tracy: Am not.

Luke: Are too.

Tracy: Am not.

Luke: Are too!

Tracy: Woo!

Luke: All right. Maybe you did NOT invite Coleman—

Tracy: (defensive) I didn't.

Luke: But you are glad he is here.

Tracy: Am not.

Luke: Am too.

Tracy: Am—Oh! This is ridiculous. (pause) Oh my gosh. My not-so-loving husband is jealous.

Luke: Am not.

Tracy: Oh don't even start!

Luke: I am not jealous, but you and I are husband and wife; I have no intentions of that changing until of course…

Tracy: I hand you the 15 million dollars in alimony. (laughs) That's so not gonna happen.

Luke: Then we are going to be married for life.

Tracy: Captivating, isn't it?

Luke: Well I AM proud to be Mr. Tracy Quartermaine.

Tracy: I—Never mind. (turns around; walks toward den)

Luke: Oh Mrs. Spencer…

Tracy: (turns around)

Luke: Do you need to tell me something?

Tracy: (confused) No.

Luke: (walks closer to her) Admit it. You enjoy being married to me.

Tracy: Hahaha. You wish!

Luke: 'Tis true.

Tracy: 'Tis not.

Luke: (pause) Well I enjoy being married to you.

Tracy: (shakes head; serious) What you enjoy, Luke, is not having to commit to your "Flame Fairy." Isn't that right?

Luke: (silent)

Tracy: (nods) That's what I thought. And I know I am not the best person in the world…

Luke: Ha! Not even close!

Tracy: (still serious; sadly) But I deserve better. (walks away)

Luke: Tracy—Wait.

Tracy: (keeps walking)


	3. Lulu's Plan

Chapter 3: Lulu's Plan

(On the patio…Dillon, Georgie, Brook Lynn, and Diego are talking.)

Georgie: Oooh. It's cold out here.

Brook: Would you rather be in there with the rest of them?

Georgie: Of course not.

Dillon: Any word on Lulu?

Georgie: I can call her.

Lulu: (approaches them) Don't bother.

Georgie: Lulu! You're here!

Lulu: Unfortunately. You think I want to spend Thanksgiving with my father and my evil stepmother?

Diego: Evil stepmother? A little overdramatic, aren't we?

Lulu: Do you even know Tracy?

Diego: The lady's a piece of work, but evil? (laughs)

Georgie: Trust me. She is evil.

Brook: Very evil.

Dillon: All right, you know what? I know my mom isn't the greatest person in the world, but can we lay off of her now? Please.

Brook: Wow. Dillon. You two have a bonding session or something?

Dillon: No. I just don't think we should be talking about her behind her back. I mean, don't we have better things to do?

Lulu: Yeah. Like get outta here.

Brook: Hey, I'm in!

Georgie: I don't think this is a good idea.

Dillon: Me either.

Lulu: Oh you two are no fun. Why not have Thanksgiving in the boathouse?

Brook: Sounds good to me.

Dillon: I'll think about it. How we going to take the food?

Georgie: I don't know if I want any part in this.

Diego: Why not? Scared?

Georgie: No. I'm just…

Lulu: Oh come on! It'll be fun.

Georgie: I don't know. Dillon, what do you think?

Dillon: Well, I never promised my mother I'd have dinner with the family.

Brook: That's a "yes."

Georgie: All right. You know, it is REALLY cold out here.

Diego: You wanna go in?

Georgie: (bites lip) I guess.

Dillon: Take a deep breath.

(They enter; the family doesn't notice.)

Brook: Whew.

(Skye notices Lulu.)

Skye: Lulu! Look who's here everybody!

Lulu: Ugh.

Tracy: Get her out of here!

Skye: Tracy! That is no way to talk to your stepdaughter.

Tracy: Lulu and I aren't exactly on the best of terms, are we sweetheart?

Lulu: Do NOT call me sweetheart.

Justus: (sarcastically) Well, isn't this a lovely family gathering?

(Luke enters.)

Luke: Lulu.

Lulu: Hi Dad. Surprised you noticed me.

Skye: All right. All right. Let's give them some time alone.

Monica: In my house?

Alan: I gave it to you!

(Tracy rolls her eyes.)

Skye: Lulu lives here too.

Tracy: Don't remind me.

Alan: (puts arm around Tracy) Come on. Let's go. Let's go.

Alice: Clear the room, people!

Tracy: Oh would you shut up?

Luke: Leave Sunshine alone!

Alice: Thank you, Mr. Luke.

(The family, including Coleman, exits.)

Edward: And WHERE do you think you're going?

Coleman: Your daughter needs me; she just doesn't realize it.

Dillon: Ewww.

(The family leaves.)

(Skye and Lorenzo are talking among themselves in the foyer.)

Lorenzo: You are a very compassionate lady.

Skye: Oh I don't know about that. (laughs)

Lorenzo: I am serious; Luke and his daughter need to spend some time together.

Skye: Maybe you and your son should do the same.

Lorenzo: We have.

Skye: Good. Good. That's good. (pause)

Lorenzo: Uh, Skye?

Skye: Hmm?

Lorenzo: I am flattered that you considered me your date, and I'll gladly go along with it to please you, but…

Skye: Oh! Lorenzo! I am so sorry. I…What I…It's just that Tracy…Oh that woman…I…

Lorenzo: Am I making you nervous?

Skye: (boldly) No.

Lorenzo: I think I am. (laughs) (pause) My heart belongs to Carly.

Skye: I know.

Lorenzo: And your heart belongs to Luke.

Skye: (shakes head) I don't know who my heart belongs to.

(Ned, Lois, and Brook Lynn are in another section of the foyer.)

Brook: So…Are holidays ALWAYS this hectic?

Ned: That's a rhetorical question, right? (laughs)

Lois: Of course they are!

Brook: (sighs)

Ned: I'll understand if you want to leave, Princess.

Lois: Oh, Ned! Don't be ridiculous. This is her family!

Brook: That scares me. (laughs)

Lois: As it should. (laughs) Honestly? The Quartermaines are not all bad. I married your father after all! He is a wonderful man!

Ned: (smiles)

Lois: And Dillon! He turned out to be such a gentleman. And Emily…

Brook: Ma defending the Quartermaines? You're kinda scaring me. (laughs)

(Dillon, Georgie, and Diego approach Brook.)

Georgie: Excuse me, but can we talk to Brook for a second?

Lois: By all means…

(Lois and Ned leave the teens alone.)

Dillon: Listen, we're going to head out to the boathouse. (winks) Wanna come?

Brook: Sure.

Georgie: Just for a bit, though. (winks)

Diego: No kidding. I need to be here for the food.

(They all laugh.)

Dillon: You all go ahead. I'll let Lulu know.

(Cut to Luke/Lulu in the den…)

Lulu: What do you want?

Luke: Nothing.

Lulu: I don't understand you, Dad. You tell me you love me. You ask me to move in with you. But you can't even manage 1 conversation with me? 1 conversation a day! That's all I'm asking for! Even Tracy has something to say.

Luke: (laughs) Well, that's my wife for you.

Lulu: I don't want to argue with Tracy, Dad. I want to talk to you.

Luke: What do you want to talk about? How I ruined your entire childhood by not being there?

Lulu: That's a good place to start.

Luke: I didn't sign up to be your father. It was your mother's idea.

Lulu: How could you say that? You are supposed to be there for me. You are supposed to love me.

Luke: I do love you.

Lulu: (pause; tears in her eyes) You sure as hell don't act like it.

Luke: (quietly) You remind me of your mother. When I look into your eyes, I see Laura. I—

Lulu: You still could have been there for me.

Luke: Without your mother there, there was no longer a reason.

Lulu: (shakes head) That's really stupid, Dad. Really stupid! (leaves in frustration)

(Dillon meets Lulu.)

Dillon: Hey! How'd it go?

Lulu: Don't ask.

Dillon: Georgie and the others are out in the boathouse.

Lulu: Already? What about the food?

Dillon: We all have to go at one time. We need a lookout and all that. (laughs)

Lulu; Sounds good. I just wanna get out of here.

(Tracy approaches them.)

Tracy: Dillon, darling, where do you think you're going?

Dillon: We're just going to the boathouse, Mom. We'll be back for dinner.

Tracy: You better be. (walks away)

(Lulu looks upset.)

Dillon: Is everything all right?

Lulu: I told you not to ask. Let's just go.

Dillon: I can talk to Luke. I can—

Lulu: Forget it, Dillon. Let's just set this plan in motion.

(The two head outside.)


	4. Tracy Explains All

Chapter 4: Tracy Explains All

(Tracy approaches Monica and the others.)

Tracy: Dillon and the others are in the boathouse in case anyone is wondering.

Monica: Since when do you care what Dillon is up to?

Tracy: (sighs)

Edward: Tracy, please show that man the way out! Now! (pointing to Coleman)

Coleman: I'm not leaving until my Mama gives me some lovin'.

Edward: Oh for God sakes.

Alan: This is ridiculous.

Ned: This is disgusting.

Skye: I was thinking interesting.

Tracy: Coleman, sweetheart? Not gonna happen. I'm a married woman.

Skye: That didn't stop you before.

Tracy: Oh would you stay out of this? Coleman and I would have never been together had I not been set-up.

Lois: Wait—What is going on?

Monica: Didn't I ask this earlier?

Alice: Am I going to have to explain again?

Edward: No.

Ned: Well, someone is going to have to explain.

Alice: All right. Here we go. It all started…

Tracy: Oh give it up! You wanna know what happened Monica? Luke wanted a divorce—

Monica: Can't blame him.

Tracy: Let me finish—He also wanted 15 million dollars in alimony.

Lois: Holy Toledo! 15 million dollars?

Tracy: (nods) I just wanted a divorce. I figured if I asked Luke to sleep with me—

Alan: This is not going to become very detailed, is it?

Lorenzo: Maybe all non-family members should leave.

Lainey: I'm beginning to think that would be a good idea.

Skye: Nonsense. This is where it gets interesting.

Ned: Mother, just continue.

Tracy: If I asked my husband to sleep with me, and he refused, I would have grounds for a divorce.

Justus: On the grounds of non-consummation.

Tracy: Exactly.

Alice: But he didn't refuse.

Tracy: I'm talking here.

Alice: (rudely) Oh excuse me!

Lois: Then what happened?

Coleman: It's where I come in. Luke asked me to sleep with his wife.

Edward: This is very revolting.

Coleman: Don't you already know this?

Edward: (shrugs)

Coleman: I slept with Tracy, and boy, let me tell you something, she is—

Tracy: Don't even. Don't you even say…

Skye: Luke had photos of Coleman and Tracy in bed.

Coleman: They proved adultery.

Tracy: They proved entrapment.

Ned: What they proved was sexual assault!

Tracy: Ned, darling.

Coleman: It was not like that; your mother enjoyed her time with me.

Lorenzo: All right. It's time for me to leave.

Alan: I don't need to hear this either.

Alice: Is anyone interested?

Tracy: Coleman and I pursued a relationship; Luke called off the divorce.

Skye: He was jealous.

Edward: Because he wanted to be with my daughter. (pause) That I'll never understand.

Tracy: (sarcastically) Why thank you, Daddy.

Alice: And now Mr. and Mrs. Luke Spencer remain together.

Edward: In a sham of a marriage.

Lois: Where is Luke?

(Luke enters.)

Luke: Right here.

Alan: You ought to be ashamed of yourself Luke; treating my sister the way you did.

Luke: Did I miss something?

Justus: We have just been informed of you and your wife's escapades.

Alice: They know everything.

Luke: Everything?

Alice: Well, not the stuff about Helena.

Monica: Helena gets involved?

Luke: She started it all! If you want to blame anyone, blame her!

Ned: Nice try, Luke, but I'm blaming you. My mother may be horrible and rotten and…

Tracy: Darling, I'm sure everyone's got the point.

Ned: But what you did was despicable.

Luke: She LIKED her time with Coleman.

Alan: She was making the best out of the situation.

Skye: Oh I don't know about that. She and Coleman…

Lainey: Excuse me, but I believe we've heard enough.

Coleman: So…Where's the food?


	5. Alice's Bad News

Chapter 5: Alice's Bad News

(In the boathouse…)

Dillon: That was easier than I thought.

Brook: Yeah. Who knew Cook would be on a bathroom break?

Dillon: My mother is going to kill me.

Diego: There will be leftovers. Besides, it not like we took everything.

Brook: Granny is gonna flip. (laughs)

Lulu: It's gonna be great.

Georgie: I'm surprised we didn't get caught.

Brook: You are going to jinx it.

Georgie: You don't believe that, do you?

Brook: I do. (laughs) What?

Dillon: Shall we?

Lulu: Shall we what?

Diego: Dig in!

Brook: Sounds good…Although pizza also sounded good. (laughs) Just not with the family.

Dillon: I would PAY to see my mom eat pizza.

Brook: Granny wouldn't even look at it.

Lulu: (laughs)

Georgie: I almost feel bad.

Brook: Why?

Georgie: Dillon, when was the last time your family had a good Thanksgiving dinner? (pause) Never mind. (laughs) I guess you wouldn't know.

Dillon: (shakes head) I have no idea.

Diego: Well, it's not like pizza is BAD.

Dillon: You HAVE met my mother, right? Right?

(They all laugh.)

Lulu: Eh…So what? As long as no one find out we um…stole the food? (laughs)

Georgie: It is too obvious. The food is missing. So are we.

Brook: We are not missing. We are in the boathouse. The family knows that. Besides…Dillon and I? We had a conversation. Not one mention about the plan.

Georgie: Still…It's too obvious.

Diego: Then we should head back.

Dillon: Why? (laughs) To divert suspicion?

Lulu: Exactly.

Dillon: This is a REAL bad movie.

Lulu: Oh! You and your movies!

(They all laugh again.)

(Back at the Q's…The family is gathered in the den.)

Alice: Yo! May I have everyone's attention?

Tracy: Ugh. "Yo?"

Monica: What's going on, Alice?

Alice: I have some…some news.

Ned: Uh oh.

Edward: It's about dinner.

Lois: Now, Mr. Q, we don't know that.

Alan: Yes, we do.

Alice: I'm afraid you are correct. The food has been stolen, and Cook is NOT pleased.

Luke: Who cares about Cook? What about the food?

Coleman: Yeah!

Skye: Oh please.

Lorenzo: Someone explain to me how ALL the food goes missing.

Justus: Sounds strange to me.

Alice: Correction…There is still some food. But the turkey…

Alan: Oh for Godsakes!

Alice: Is gone.

Lainey: Well…Could the kids have taken it?

Tracy: Dillon! Ugh.

Ned: Brook!

(Dillon and Brook enter.)

Dillon: Yes?

Brook: You called?

Tracy: Ha! The innocent act? Not buying it.

Lois: Brookie, baby. Did you and your friends steal Thanksgiving dinner?

Brook: Um, no. Why would we do that?

Ned: Because none of you want to spend the holiday with the family.

Brook: I never said that…Did I?

Skye: Where are the others?

Dillon: Still in the boathouse!

Coleman: With our food!

Luke: Our food? Who invited you again?

Edward: You two can argue all you want; I, for one, want a REAL Thanksgiving dinner.

Luke: Good point, Pops. Let's go get the food!

Alice: I'm right behind you, Mr. Luke. (pause) Wait one minute. (leaves)

Monica: Where is she going?

Ned: Who knows?

Tracy: Who cares?

Edward: Do we have to wait?

Luke: Aww, but it's Sunshine!

Tracy: Oh would you stop that?

Luke: Jealous, Spanky Buns?

Alan: WHY do you insist on calling my sister that?

Luke: Because she likes it.

Tracy: I do not!

Luke: Oh yes you do! That…And Sugar Plum, and Spunky, and Pretty Pink Pepp—

Dillon: Yoo hoo! Yeah. Over here. Since we apparently aren't being served any time soon, Brook and I are just going to head back to the boathouse. Okay? (pause) Okay. (to Brook) Let's go. Now.

Justus: Yep. Something is definitely going on.

Edward: And we are not following them because?

Tracy: (imitating) Because we are waiting for Sunshine. (rolls eyes)

Alice: (enters with her broom) Let's go get our food!

Tracy: You are NOT eating with us.

Luke: She sure is. She is sitting right next to me.

Tracy: Oh sure! Why sit with your wife when you can sit with the maid? (to Luke) Apparently, you do not remember what we discussed earlier.

Luke: Tracy—

Tracy: Let's just get the food, damnit!

Alice: (charges with her broom) Da da doom!

Lois: What is she doing?

Luke: Right behind you, Sunshine!

Lorenzo: (to Skye) How do you deal with this lunacy?

Monica: Hey! I heard that. If you insult this family one more time, I'll throw you and your little friend out!

Alan: That "little friend" is my daughter!

Tracy: She is NOT!

Luke: The food people, the food! Let's go! (runs outside)

(The family follows.)

(Dillon and Brook arrive at the boathouse out of breath.)

Dillon: They know. The family knows. We need to go now.

Diego: Now?

Brook: Yes! Take as much food as you can!

Lulu: What are we going to do with it?

Dillon: Well we transported here, didn't we?

Georgie: Very slowly.

Diego: This makes no sense. Let's just leave the food here. There's enough for everyone.

Georgie: You don't understand. We should have never "stole" the food in the first place.

Brook: Dillon's mom is evil, remember? My Granny.

Diego: Not this "evil" thing again.

Dillon: Look! We need to bolt! Now!

Lulu: I don't know. Maybe Diego has a point. If the Quartermaines finally have their traditional dinner, then no one can complain, right?

Dillon: You're supposed to side with me; you're my stepsister!

Lulu: Only because my father was stupid enough to marry your mother!

Dillon: Hey, my mom is not that bad!

Brook: Could we argue about this later? Please.

Dillon: (ignores Brook) Besides, wasn't it your idea to skip the family dinner?

Lulu: (pause) Yes.

Dillon: So you out of all us, you should not be giving up!

Lulu: You know what? You're right!

Brook: You ARE right!

Lulu: (taking control) All right. All right. Whatever happens, we do NOT give the family the food. Not until AFTER we have our own dinner.

Diego: So…What do you want us to do?

Lulu: Go! Just take something and go.

Diego: I don't understand. Where are we going to run? Away from the family?

Dillon: Sounds good to me! Let's go! I got the turkey! Whoa! I don't remember it being this big.

Brook: Don't drop it. (laughs)

Lulu: Yeah, Dillon. Then we'll ALL be having pizza.

(The others gather the food; they run outside the boathouse)

Alice: (with her broom) Not so fast!


	6. Food Fight

Chapter 6: Food Fight

Alice: I've got you cornered. Now give it back.

Dillon: (using the turkey as a shield) You can't tell my mother!

Tracy: Too late. (smiles)

Georgie: Well, it's our food too!

Tracy: Your food? You shouldn't even be here.

Dillon: I invited her.

Tracy: (clears throat) Obviously.

Ned: You know…Georgie does have a point. It's their food as much as it's ours.

Tracy: Oh would you shut up? Dillon, darling. Please return the turkey. (pause) Oh my God! Never in my life did I imagine I would say that. (shakes head)

Alan: Maybe we should have allowed Ned to order the pizzas after all.

Edward: We are NOT eating pizza this year, damnit!

Skye: Then let's just return to the den. No hard feelings, all right?

Monica: Fine. As long as everything is brought back to the house this instant.

(The teenagers exchange glances.)

Lulu: Nah! We came this far! Go Dillon, go! Diego, help us out!

Diego: (confused) Uh…

(Dillon runs with the turkey. The adults go after him.)

Lulu: Wait one minute! (blocking the adults)

Tracy: WHAT are you doing?

Lulu: Girls…Defend yourselves.

Brook Lynn: Uh. Lulu, what are you talking about?

Luke: Oh just let me at the turkey! (about to run through them)

Lulu: The mashed potatoes!

Georgie: What?

Lulu: Fling the mashed potatoes!

(The girls laugh. Lulu starts flinging the potatoes. Georgie and Brook follow her lead.)

Tracy: Oh my goodness! You've all gone insane!

Skye: This is REALLY immature!

Monica: Oh like you should talk.

Lorenzo: What is she talking about?

Skye: (laughs quietly) Oh nothing. (glares at Monica)

Diego: Why are you throwing potato at me? Aren't I on your side?

Lulu: You aren't helping us! Keep throwing it, girls.

Ned: Um, I think I have potato in my eye.

(The adults continue to run after Dillon.)

Georgie: (laughing) We're out of mashed potatoes!

Lulu: Just throw anything you can!

Luke: Noooo! You're wasting all the food!

Tracy: This is ridiculous. Damnit! Dillon! Get back here.

(In the distance, Dillon falls…)

Tracy: Dillon!

Luke: Not the turkey!

(Everyone runs after Dillon.)

(Next scene…)

Tracy: Dillon. Dillon. Are you all right?

Georgie: Oh my God! Dillon! Are you okay?

Dillon: Um, I think I hurt my ankle.

Tracy: Serves you right.

Dillon: Mom. I'm serious.

Tracy: Alan, get over here!

Luke: Where did the turkey go?

Skye: Oh would you knock it off?

Ned: See that ditch?

Luke: Yeah.

Ned: There's your turkey.

Luke: Agh!

Alan: (approaches Tracy) What do you want?

Dillon: Did my son break his ankle?

Alan: Well, we're going to need X-rays to know for sure.

Monica: Oh, Dillon. Let me see. (twists his ankle)

Dillon: Agh! What are you doing?

Monica: It's not broken. Just sprained.

Tracy: Shouldn't you get an X-ray?

Monica: Can you walk on it?

Dillon: A little help would be nice.

Georgie: (holds out her hand)

Dillon: (walks) Yes, but it hurts.

Alice: Want to use the broom as a crutch?

Monica: You'll be fine, Dillon. I can wrap it up for you when we get back to the house.

Tracy: I want a second opinion.

Alan: Tracy, he'll be fine.

Tracy: You said he was going to need X-rays!

Dillon: Mom. I think I just overreacted.

Monica: You get that from your mother.

Tracy: Haha, Monica.

Lainey: Ms. Quartermaine—If I may…

Tracy: May what?

Lainey: Offer my opinion…As a qualified doctor. Dillon's ankle appears to be fine.

Tracy: (sarcastically) Why thank you. But did I ASK?

Lainey: Well, you did—Never mind. (to Justus) I was just trying to help.

Justus: Don't worry about it.

Lulu: So is the turkey really in the ditch?

Ned: Want to see for yourself?

Lulu: I'm sorry.

Skye: For what?

Lulu: This was all my fault. I thought it would be fun to have Thanksgiving in the boathouse. Just me, Dillon, Georgie, Brook Lynn, and Diego.

Skye: It's all right, Lulu.

Brook Lynn: And I apologize for agreeing to the plan…(laughs)

Lois: As you should, young lady.

Monica: And I am going to talk to your mother, Georgie.

Dillon: Monica, is that really necessary?

Tracy: You want ME to talk to her mother?

Dillon: Oh Monica, please call.

Skye: Don't you think you're all overreacting? Was it immature? Yes, but…come on.

Lainey: Well, I agree. You're talking about a bunch of kids here. They just wanted to have some fun.

Tracy: (disgusted) They flung mash potatoes at me.

Brook: (laughs) And you look hilarious, Granny.

Ned: Brook…

Brook: (sighs) Fine. Sorry.

Lorenzo: Can you really blame them for not wanting to spend Thanksgiving with all of you? This is a madhouse.

Monica: Hey! What did I say?

Lorenzo: Well, Skye. My offer still stands. Dinner at MetroCourt?

Skye: You can go with Diego, but—

Diego: I'd rather stay here.

Skye: I'm staying here too, Lorenzo. They're still my family.

Tracy: No we're not!

Alan: Oh give it up.

Monica: My sister-in-law is right, Alan. Skye has no place here.

Alan: So you're going to kick Skye out and let Coleman stay?

Coleman: I didn't say a thing!

(The family starts arguing…)

Ned: And who said I shouldn't order the pizza?


	7. Pizza and an Apology

Chapter 7: Pizza and an Apology

(In the foyer…Tracy walks down the stairs. Luke is waiting for her.)

Luke: Tracy—

Tracy: (pause) If this is about earlier, then I'm not interested.

Luke: I'm trying to apologize.

Tracy: Ha!

Luke: I'm being serious. (pause) I'm sorry.

Tracy: (sighs) Look. I realize that our marriage is nothing more than a business transaction.

Luke: Was.

Tracy: Hmm?

Luke: Tracy—You said "is." Our marriage isn't about the cash anymore.

Tracy: It isn't?

Luke: (shakes head) It isn't. It hasn't been. It's also not about me avoiding commitment to another woman.

Tracy: (rudely) See, that I do not believe.

Luke: Why not? I speak the truth.

Tracy: Hahaha. Luke Spencer speaking the truth?

Luke: Believe what you will then.

Tracy: (sighs) Why should I believe you?

Luke: (sincerely) Because I'm asking you to.

Tracy: Ha! It's going to take a hell of a lot more convincing than that.

Luke: I'm sorry that you feel that way.

Tracy: Oh Luke! Can you blame me?

Luke: I guess not. (starts walking towards the den) Uh Tracy—

Tracy: Hmm?

Luke: You were right. You do deserve better. (continues walking)

Tracy: (smiles) Luke—Wait. (walks closer to him) Earlier today, you assumed that I enjoyed being married to you.

Luke: And you denied it.

Tracy: (bites her lip) I lied.

Luke: I knew it!

Tracy: (whispers) You cannot tell ANYBODY. (laughs)

Edward: (voice only) Tracy!

Tracy: It's time to eat. Shall we?

Luke: We shall…

(The two walk hand-in-hand into the den; the pizzas are out on the table.)

Monica: How did I know we would end up with pizzas this year?

Alan: (smiles) Because it's tradition.

Ned: That it is!

Tracy: Ugh. A tradition I refuse to be part of.

Dillon: Aw come on, Mom. Doesn't it look good?

Lois: It looks delicious!

Tracy: Oh. I am going to puke. (covers mouth)

Luke: Hey, Spanky Buns. If you're serious, can you puke in that direction? AWAY from the food.

(Everyone laughs.)

Lulu: So do you guys always end up with pizza for Thanksgiving dinner?

Monica: For the last several years…yes. It just happens.

Edward: Unfortunately.

Brook Lynn: Hey! I like pizza!

Diego: Me too.

Georgie: Me three.

Tracy: Did anyone ask you?

Luke: So what are we waiting for? Let's dig in!

Ned: (interrupts) Wait. (clears throat) We gather together…

Everyone: …to ask the Lord's blessing. He chastens and hastens his will to make known…The wicked oppressing must cease from distressing. Sing praises to his name, he forgets now his own.

(The family sings happily…)

(Next scene…The Quartermaines are about to eat the pizza.)

Tracy: Oh! This is disgusting.

Brook Lynn: Come on, Granny. It's good. (waves the pizza under her nose) Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.

Tracy: Ugh!

Dillon: Fine. More for the rest of us. (takes a bite)

Ned: Guess it's a good thing I ordered the pizzas after all.

Edward: (glares at him) You jinxed it.

Alan: Oh Father. You don't believe in that nonsense, do you?

Monica: Maybe we are just destined to have pizza every Thanksgiving.

Lulu: Well, I am not complaining.

Luke: (while eating the pizza) Me either. Mmmmmmm! Mmmmmmm! (with mouth full) Damn! This is good!

Tracy: (hands Luke a napkin) Damnit! Luke Spencer! Keep your mouth closed!

Alice: Leave Mr. Luke alone!

Tracy: Ugh!

Skye: I am so sorry, Lorenzo.

Lorenzo: For what?

Skye: For this mess.

Lorenzo: My lady friend need not apologize. (smiles)

Luke: Oh would you two knock it off? You think I don't know what you're trying to pull?

It's not going to work.

Tracy: Oh, I think it's working REALLY well. (smiles)

Luke: Hey! What do you know about this?

Skye: She knows nothing.

Tracy: I know enough. You two are so transparent.

Edward: What about Carly?

Monica: Where have you been? She and Sonny are—

Edward: Together again?

Tracy: Oh! Who cares?

Skye: Can we all just stop? Lorenzo and I are not together. We are here as friends. That is all.

Tracy: Have you been drinking?

Skye: (glares at Tracy)

Dillon: Hey! Hey! Is it possible to have a peaceful dinner in this house?

Lorenzo: Apparently not.

Monica: Nobody asked you.

Brook: All right. You know what? Can't we all be thankful that we all have food…even if some of us (looks at Tracy) are choosing NOT to eat it?

Dillon: And that we are together as a family?

Lois: He does have a point.

Tracy: That's my son. (smiles)

Dillon: So, Mom…You gonna eat the pizza or not?

(Everyone laughs.)

Tracy: I could. I suppose.

Justus: Family solidarity?

Tracy: Something like that. (tries to take a bite)

Luke: What if feed you?

Tracy: Hahaha. No.

Coleman: I can feed you!

Tracy: In your dreams.

Alice: Can I feed Mr. Luke?

Edward: No one is feeding anyone in my house!

Monica: Your house? It's MY house.

Alan: I gave it to you!

Ned: Here we goooo…

Dillon: (laughs) Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

(The family stops arguing to engage in "Happy Thanksgivings.")

The End!

To those who celebrated: Happy Thanksgiving! I hope you and your families had a wonderful holiday.


End file.
